Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
