How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
