I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize