My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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