he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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