last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
