i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
