Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
