i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
