Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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