Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
