is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
