she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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