Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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