You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
