He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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