He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize