i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
