But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
