He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
