im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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