Can Purell be used as lube?
Acid is not a monday night drug
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
