i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
