There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
