dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize