just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
