I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
