I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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