dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
