i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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