She announced her abortion via fbk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Panties = found
Randomize
