i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
