I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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