I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
