Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
