Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
