I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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