I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize