There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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