This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
