On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
