so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
