So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
