sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
