This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
