What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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