I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
