I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
