Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
