I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize