Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize