last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
