i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
