That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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