just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
