is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
