is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
