sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
