I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
