Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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