Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
