I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
