he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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