You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
